i've been thinking a lot lately about moms. granted mother's day just came and went, we sent cards, flowers, cooked dinner, whatever your form of celebration may be. i had a very different take on mother's day in many ways. as i get older, i'm finding more and more that holidays actually become harder as time goes on because life takes a toll in good and bad ways, leaving memories, loses, and gains in its wake.
as a child, i thought like a child, i acted as a child. i believed that life would be one happy christmas, easter, birthday after another, and, in reality, i doesn't always turn out this way. i lost my pop on march 2. as i think on this, i realized my mother no longer has parents. parents. the two (or one) (or more) person(s) you can always turn to no matter how mean you've been or how much you've screwed up or what kind of fight you've been in. parents. the unconditional love. when you lose that you lose a part of you, i've been told. i recently had a friend tell me that next to losing a child, she believes a mother is the hardest to lose. she and her sister lost their mother not long ago to cancer, and her birthday happens to fall the week after mother's day. tough, tough stuff. unimaginable pain. pat lost his grandmother in november to cancer, and his mother, her mother, and his great-grandmother, her daughter. happy mother's day? psh, absolutely not.
i can remember on my pop's documentary about growing up in an orphanage, that he tears in saying that no one was there for him at his high school graduation. no mom. no dad. no family. i always told myself after seeing this film that if i could go back in time, i would be there, at that graduation, and i would stand for my pop. you see, there is something in the heart that comfort us, even in our darkness, by saying, you may feel alone now, but you know there is always someone there. i cannot imagine not having that peace. not knowing who in the world in standing for you. my heart goes out, in all sincerity, with peace and healing to you all on this day and always.
i can remember on my pop's documentary about growing up in an orphanage, that he tears in saying that no one was there for him at his high school graduation. no mom. no dad. no family. i always told myself after seeing this film that if i could go back in time, i would be there, at that graduation, and i would stand for my pop. you see, there is something in the heart that comfort us, even in our darkness, by saying, you may feel alone now, but you know there is always someone there. i cannot imagine not having that peace. not knowing who in the world in standing for you. my heart goes out, in all sincerity, with peace and healing to you all on this day and always.
to others i know, this is their first mother's day or mothers'-to-be day. this is where, i believe, the tables can turn. you see, no matter what your relationship with your own family, parents, etc. or whether or not they are still with you, all rights and wrongs can be made right by the way in which you leave a legacy to your own children. i shared this with a friend that is grieving her mother this mother's day. be a good mom, i told her. that's what you can do for her, for your daughter, for your kids. pass on her wisdom. pass on her love. be a mother. instill in your children how to be good people. i have another inspiring friend that, instead of presents for her kids' birthdays, the guests bring donations for a charity, such as heifer international, to help feed other children around the world. what an amazing legacy! at 2, 3, 4 years old these children are learning to give back, to live up, to take care (or "mother," if you will) kids other than themselves. this is where a greater world begins.
i know some of this i cannot understand because i am not a mother myself, nor have i lost a mother, but i do believe i am starting to understand that innate sense of responsibility and protection of those i love that we should all have within us (except for the sociopathic folks, sorry guys/gals). for example, i have a strong feeling of responsibility to taking care of patrick. he is my husband. that is what you do for those you love. i work. i pay bills. i encourage him in his dreams. i (attempt) to feed his endless pit of a stomach. i love him. i care for him. i believe in him. to me, these are just things instinctively you do and feel for people you love. you sacrifice. you compromise. you protect. you fight for. you love. i love that this motherly instinct is coming out in me because it shows me that i am learning more about love itself. you see, love is something we constantly learn and relearn and grow to learn our entire lives.
