there are many different types of love. i have been thinking about this blog for quite some time now, and have made many observations in the process. i remember as a child learning the types of love taught in the bible- agape love; eros love; and philia love. all meaning "love," but in very different ways. the church of christ has a website that appeared in my google called, "a short handbook on love." ha. whoever wrote that should be given a prize because there is no short explanation of love, and surely no handbook on how to love, but no offense to the church of christ, good effort. there are verses, such as "god is love," but one could spend his/her whole life trying to explain, understand, and accept all that love means.
my handbook on love states that eros-love is the "warm fuzzy" love; the more sensual, passionate love that one may get in "crush" mode-- if you will. the church of christ, however, says that eros-love is not a love that establishes deep and meaningful relationships. why? because it's "fickle," they state, and can come and go as people "feel" or as circumstances come and go. in other words, a lustful "fling." here one minute, gone the next, and most likely one party or the other gets hurt. ouch.
philia-love. philia-love stems from friendships. i have had amazing friendships in my life, and still do to this day, thankfully, but the handbook on love warns that this love, too, can be fleeting. i can remember a time in my life when philia-love was very fleeting. i pushed everyone i "philia-loved" away. i felt alone. uncared-for. undeserving. unworthy. granted, i have screwed up my own philia-love in my time, but i wonder why THIS love had such an immense effect on me, and even on my perceptions about myself. yes, i let philia-love define me. why? i don't know. a good explanation is that we put a lot of ourselves into these relationships, but forget that these people, too, are human, and human nature gets in the way of many things and can be hurtful in many, many ways. there were many lessons learned, and, above all, the gift of friendships i now possess are gratifying for both sides and do nothing but build me up- which is exactly what was needed for fulfill (or REfill) my philia-love.
lastly, the bible speaks about agape-love. my "short handbook" states that "agape is not limited to being held hostage by its environment nor someone's perception. the reason why agape can soar above these is because it is based upon the "commitment of a decision." it entails the decision to proactively seek someone else's well-being. since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how i've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings." what?? no warm fuzzy feelings and i still love someone?? yes. this is love. this is that love that says your beautiful when you look your worst. this is the love that is proud of you no matter what mistakes you've made. this is the love that's there when everyone else leaves. this is the love above all loves. according to the bible and my "short handbook" this is way jesus loves and he's the best at it.
like i said, i've been observing and noting in my head all the "loves" i've seen around me since i began thinking about this post. just a few i remember... the love that is new and exciting that finds itself in a ring around a girls' finger and a glimmer in her eye; the new love that is scared and nervous, but ready and willing- all at the same time- and has no idea what to do with itself; the questionable love that comes and goes with circumstance, as mentioned above, but someone is the broken-hearted; the baby love that is so overwhelming, but miraculous, as this little thing grows inside you and you prepare your marriage for the next step (this is NOT a confession); the love of a child. the innocent, forgiving, beautiful love that you have girly sleepovers with, and she turns to you, holds your hand, and whispers, "i love you, jamie," and you feel, at that moment, like the most special person in the whole world because of the love of that child; the abusive love that is so blind and dangerous that no one knows what is happening to them until it is often too late. i also believe this love can go hand in hand with "love is blind" because i have seen more cases of "blind love" allowing abuse than allowing the unconditional. unfortunately; the naive love that maybe gets on my nerves the most because it is the people that spit out the "i.l.y." after being in a relationship a week, and/or they spit it out to everyone whether they mean it or not. this type of love makes me feel love losing it's meaning, it's speciality, it's spontenaity, it's power. i wish you, naive love, would not ruin love for the rest of us. just shut up.
the reason behind the name of this post is because, apart from the unconditional, i have felt that the goodbye-love is the hardest love of all. my thoughts on goodbye love lately have not even been of those whose love simply fades with the times, though they continue to pretend to love each other distances apart. no, the goodbye-love i am thinking of is when love is simply, physically gone. no longer reachable. no longer huggable. no longer there. learning to say goodbye is perhaps one of life's biggest lessons. i, myself, do not think i will ever learn it nor understand it in its entirity. patrick lost his granny nancy to cancer. i lost my pop to leukemia. both within months of each other. for me, for us, this is where goodbye-love starts. when we lose someone to death, do we ever lose their love? they are no longer physically human, and they can no longer physically be in our midst; but our constant thoughts, our tears, our prayers for their spirits, our smiles when we remember, how are eyes close when we smell them in a gentle breeze, how the beauty of the world reminds us of their amazing legacies, and how we want to be a part of even a small part of what they were- and continue to be. this, i believe, is goodbye-love. it's embracing the realities of death, but honoring love through life. since this death, i've finished projects that i have put off forever. i've made a conscience decision to use the gifts i have for so long taken for granted. i've made resolutions in my life to be better at certain things that i have struggled with. i've sent cards to people when i think they need them, and i don't even believe in cards! (another post, another story). i raised money and ran a race to honor my family and friends with cancer. i allowed the grieving of my own grandmother to lessen as i learned to share this with others when i have kept it in for eight long years. why did i decide to do these things now? is it only because they are gone? is it only by death that we make new promises for our lives? no. it is an awakening of my spirit to say, no day but today. there's only us. there's only this. do it now. love now. then, when the time comes for goodbye-love, we are ready.
